Crazed In the Kitchen: My Son Called Me A Whore   

Saturday, June 2, 2012

My Son Called Me A Whore


Yes.

It’s true.

A few months ago, my then-3 ½-year-old son called me a whore.

Well, sort of.

No, we weren’t on some godawful tabloid-y talk show like Maury or some equally horrible reality show like “Toddlers and Tiaras.” (“Toddlers and Tantrums” is more like it. Now THAT they could film at my house for sure.) And this wasn’t even an insult hurled mid-meltdown or hissed through gritted teeth during a timeout.

In fact, it probably wasn’t even intentional.

Probably.

Here’s what happened:

Matthew had become occasionally interested in drawing things other than scribbles. He moved into straight lines and circles, then decided he wanted to try writing letters. My husband and I were a bit wary of this. Matthew is, yes, of course, a genius and FAR advanced for his age in all areas—much like your kid, I’m sure. (*ahem*) But he also has a very low tolerance for frustration, and writing letters seemed like an activity RICH with potential frustrations. So we started slow. We taught him ‘O,’ which he pretty much already knew, then ‘M,’ because it’s the first letter of his name. Over a few days we taught him just a few more letters, mostly ones with straight lines.

One day, he came to me with a piece of paper and an insanely proud grin. “Mommy! I wrote something for you!” he exclaimed, as he handed me his masterpiece. Here’s what he gave me:


I oohed and aahed and tried to hide the fact that I was crying just a little bit. My son wrote a word! And not only that, he wrote “MOM!” Together we found some tape and hung the paper up on the kitchen wall where everyone could see it. I went back to trolling facebook, er, researching recipes online, and he went back to the playroom for more writing.

A few minutes later he returned. Same triumphant grin, another piece of paper. “Mommy!” he shouted. “I wrote you another word!” I looked down eagerly. What lovely sentimental message would my son bestow upon me this time? Here it is:


After my initial moment of shock, I oohed and aahed (though without the tears), then I tentatively asked, “Um, Matthew? What made you decide to write this word?”

“Mommy,” he said, “It says ‘ho.’” (That’s what his voice said. His face added, “DUH.”)

“I see that,” I said. “Why ‘ho?’”

“Mommy!’ (another “DUH” look) “That’s what Santa says!”

[Did I mention this happened around Christmas? Kind of a key detail in retrospect, I suppose.]

Before I could respond, he handed me the tape. “Hang it up! Hang it up!” he begged. How could I say no? So, Matthew’s second official written word joined his first in the place of honor on our kitchen wall, where everyone could see it.

. . .

And now, to apologize for using the word “whore” in this post’s title, I give you Matthew’s latest masterpiece.

Hubby and I secretly call it "Mutant Bird" because of the googly eyes.



What’s the latest cute thing your child genius has said to you?

26 comments:

  1. Love it! I hope they are situated correctly on the wall so not to cause a stir..p.s. whore is what brought me here - no need to apologize

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I came for the same reason, heh.

      Delete
    2. Hee hee. The two are right next to each other, per Matthew's request. So I get to see "MOM HO" every time I turn around!

      Delete
  2. To answer your question, I was recently dubbed a super pooper.

    *bowing* Thank you, thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Must say I too had to see how this transpired. I just hugged my 12-year old and he called me a witch. I cackled and walked away!

    ReplyDelete
  4. That's so funny! I'm sure he'll laugh his head off when he looks back on this moment when he's an adult :)
    Oh, I love that mutant bird, by the way :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll be saving all of these to show future girlfriends, for sure!

      Delete
  5. You really know how to tell a story, love this! I have been called a meanie by my 5 yr old and I pretended to cry and then he yelled oh now your a meanie cry baby mama, OK it gets better and better, the things that our kiddies do and say, got to love it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha-- I lol'd at "meanie cry baby mama!" They are so honest...

      Delete
  6. Haha! So cute!
    My three-year-old is starting to become a Mister Smarty Pants as well. Ah, kids! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. It's all about the titles. That was a good one. You were in my RTs and I said "lemme see what this is about". Very sweet. You've started something with hanging stuff. Eventually I had to buy a "special book" to put everything in ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right about hanging stuff--my kitchen walls are now covered (except over the stove, of course)! I'm glad the title got your attention and didn't offend...

      Delete
  8. Well, my genius is now 22, but when she was 4, I had told her to do something, and she turned around and called me a "bo hole". I turned away from her because I couldn't stop laughing. She called me a "butt hole". After I gained my composure, I turned back around and told her that was not nice and to not call anybody that. It turned out one kid came to daycare saying it, and the teacher said she had the whole class saying it.

    Stopping by from VoiceBoks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have had so many moments as both a teacher and a mother where I had to step out of a room briefly to stop laughing over something my student or child said! Sometimes having a sense of humor is the only way to get through those two jobs.

      Delete
  9. That is too funny, I had to find out what had happened. The things that come out of little darlings mouths :) I really enjoyed it!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Got to love how kids minds work. My little one just turned 1, so is not talking (much) yet. This does remind me of the story my husband wrote for his first grade class about "a man and his hoe" all about gardening.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hee hee. I suggest starting a simple journal as your little one starts talking--jot down all the goofy and sweet stuff they say!

      Delete
  11. Shew, for a minute there I thought this was going to be one of those mouthy teenager posts! lol I'm so glad it's not what I originally thought...this was such a cute story!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Give me about ten years and I'm sure I'll have some mouthy teenager posts.

      Delete
  12. I love this story. Imagine him using 'Ho' the way Santa does.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This is so cute. And so innocent! I thank you for your help with my site, and I liked yours so much that your button is now on my site! And I'm following you via linky too!

    ReplyDelete

Comments make me feel special...Don't be shy!