Crazed In the Kitchen: I Don't Think We Could Charge for Admission...   

Sunday, January 15, 2012

I Don't Think We Could Charge for Admission...


Here's what a tour would sound like, if our house were Graceland:

As you enter the premises, notice the overarching theme of ‘Godforsaken Mess.’ The residents have painstakingly cultivated this look throughout every room in the house, using a variety of creative strategies. Absolutely NO PICTURES, please!

As you stumble through the living/dining room, you will see many signs of the "Clutter" movement--take note especially of the matchbox cars, wooden train tracks, and tiny sparkly valentine stickers strewn across the floor. See how the residents display their quirky senses of humor by ironically placing empty plastic and canvas bins throughout the space! Ha ha! No toys go in there! It seems the residents prefer to store toys under the couches and tables when they are not on display on the floor.

Watch your step as we move into the kitchen, as stray peas or carrots likely have rolled out from under the dining table after today’s lunch. You may notice that the kitchen stands out as the tidiest room of the house, as the home’s main resident spends most of her day here. Despite its relative tidiness, however, we see in here traces of the “Random” method: the Elmo-face digital camera perched over the stove is one example, as is the dusty remote-controlled helicopter resting in a container otherwise holding baby bibs.

As you continue through the house, you will see that the blank white walls of the "Laziness" style stand in sharp contrast to the surroundings. Some attempts at “décor” have been made—note the lovely new curtains in their original packaging stored carefully in a laundry basket by the front door—but generally the residents seem to adhere to the “Removable Wall Stickers” school of thought as far as decorations are concerned.

Ah, here we are in the heart of the house—the boys’ playroom, a Mecca of “Haphazard Play.” Tread carefully here, as a recently acquired toy seems to have lost its marbles (much like the adult residents of this house), and you are likely to step on one. Oh! How precious! See how someone was pretending to cook a baby doll in a pot on the play kitchen stove! Notice the shelves in the corner housing dozens of store-bought toys, then look to the middle of the room where underpants, empty cardboard boxes, and ripped up pieces of paper seem to have been dropped mid-game. The juvenile residents of the home prefer common household items to toys in their recreational activities, or so it seems.

As you make your way carefully back to the front door, take a deep breath. If you're lucky, today will be a "Mysterious Smell" day and one or even several noxious aromas will drift through the rooms. Step around the extremely large cat disguising herself as an area rug—don’t touch, she’ll bite!—and check your clothes for errant stickers (if you brushed against any surface, you’re likely to have picked one up). Thank you for coming! Stop by the garage, er Gift Shop, on your way out to pick up a souvenir of your visit! A broken toy, perhaps? Mismatched socks? Maybe you’re in need of some college sorority t-shirts and picture frames? You name it, we have it!

12 comments:

  1. If it weren't for the cat, I would have been certain you've been to our house. Only we always start our tour with, "This is the front room. Imagine a couple of leather chairs right *there*, yes, where the art table, puppet theater and miniature piano currently stand. People must feel like we have too much space; they keep gifting our kids with giant crap... er... furnishings." And so it goes throughout the house.

    Thanks for the afternoon laughs!

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    1. We also have imaginary furniture--and just a great big empty space in front of the front door. Someday...someday.

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  2. Ha this sounds just like my house, minus the cat, we did have the cat a couple yrs ago though :-)For us as you come through the door watch out for my little ponies, shopping carts, strollers, dollies, purses, Dora, as you journey to the next room, make sure to have some socks or shoes on because the little legos that you are about to step on will make you scream!!! I think we all have so many things alike in our homes esp with little ones, got to love it, one day I will have beautiful furniture, you'll be able to see the floor, no hand prints on the wall!

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    1. The Legos are awful! We are still mostly in the Duplo stage, but those aren't any fun to step on, either. Yes, I dream about nice furniture and having an actual table lamp rather than just floor lamps. It's a little thing, I know, but a table lamp would get broken within a week for sure!

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  3. Wow, for a moment there, I thought I was in my kitchen...errr...home. Just kidding. Love the way you describe the whole 'experience' when having kids in the home.

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  4. Great post. I have a tendency to be OCD, so you will make it through the living room and kitchen with no problems until you get to my daughter's bathroom and bedroom...now there's a mess!

    Stopping by from VoiceBoks!

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    1. Lol--my kids are definitely the most messy of the family, though I'm not going to win any prizes for neatness.

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  5. Haha! Sounds like my house! I have an ocd lady living deep down inside struggling to get out but 3 boys under 4 are keeping her tied up!

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    1. Lol! Every couple of days or so my ocd lady struggles to the surface, looks around, and freaks out. Then she crawls back down and hides.

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  6. Oh, Molly, this post made me smile! I sometimes long for those days when my kids were little and my house was a flurry of toys, food and pets! I miss those days. Thanks for the laugh and a peek into your home!
    ~Erin

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    1. Thank you for stopping by! I try to appreciate what I have now, because I do know that I will miss it someday. Well, not the Mysterious Smells so much. But the rest of it...

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