There are times when the days just get to me: too much fighting, too much spilling, too much throwing, too much whining…too much altogether.
But then a moment happens like it happened today. William woke up from his nap undecided about being awake. As we sank into the rocking chair to discuss it, Matthew climbed up and joined us. I found myself with a boy on each knee, a book they actually agreed on, and a peaceful moment of “brother fun,” as I call it. I had to take a second, close my eyes, and take the moment in: Snuggles from both my boys, an awesome gliding rocking chair (which we bought second-hand off Craigslist for a fraction of the price—bonus joy!), and a good book. (OK, so it was “Ten Barnyard Babies,” but I take what I can get.) It seems like there are so many times when I’m just trying to get though the minutes…to the next bedtime, the next weekend, the next milestone. But when a moment like this one happens and I actually have the presence of mind to appreciate it, to just be there “in the moment” as the self-help books are always nagging us to be…those moments pass so quickly. Even before the sad barnyard babies could find their wayward moms, Matthew was diving out of my lap yelling “I have to go potty!!! It’s an emergency!!’ and William was half-falling, half-sliding after him yelling “Potty! Potty! ‘Mergency! Potty!” And the moment was gone.
I have dark times where I can’t quite get my head around why we’re here and what happens when we go. But those moments—those snuggly, happy moments, feeling the weight of those little bodies on my lap, my arms wrapped around them—that’s it….That’s why I’m here and that’s what I was made to do.